


To Be Strong and to Fight

by aleia



Series: Sweet Silver Lining [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25004425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: Josh and Buck written around the Episode "Powerless"
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Josh Russo
Series: Sweet Silver Lining [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731151
Comments: 16
Kudos: 112





	To Be Strong and to Fight

“Have you talked to Buck about it?” Maddie asks after Josh tells her that they want him to give his statement in court. “Because he hasn’t mentioned it to me, but I guess he could have thought telling me might bother you.”

It makes sense, but the only things he’s asked Buck not to mention to Maddie are details about their sex life. He doesn’t want to Buck deal with his issues without any support. Of course, if Josh is honest, he just doesn’t want to make Buck deal with his issues.

“Everything is just so good,” Josh admits. “When we’re together, I don’t want to bring it up because I don’t want to think about it.”

“I’m not going to tell him if you don’t, but I know my brother. He’d want you to talk to him about it. He’d want to support you. And he likes you a lot. If you tell him you want to see him an extra time because you don’t want to ruin a good date with something sad, he’ll be all over it.”

Josh shrugs.

“Just think about it, okay?” Maddie tells him.

***

**Josh:** Hey. I know we said Friday, but are you free tonight?  
 **Buck:** Depends. Is it cool if I fall asleep on you?  
 **Josh:** I think you should know the answer to that by now.  
 **Buck:** I know. My place or yours?  
 **Josh:** Do you mind coming over to mine?  
 **Buck:** No, but if you want to kick me out after I fall asleep, I don’t promise it’ll be easy to wake me up.  
 **Josh:** I don’t want to do that at all.  
 **Buck:** Good. 8ish? I want to run home after my shift.  
 **Josh:** Yeah. That’s great. Thanks.

*

**Buck:** I’m probably going to be late with this blackout.  
 **Josh:** It’s okay. I’m staying late, too. If you’re too tired, I get it.  
 **Buck:** I want to see you if you want to see me. Do you work in the morning?  
 **Josh:** No. I’m late shift tomorrow.  
 **Buck:** Then I’m happy to come sleep in your bed and I’ll already be there for breakfast.  
 **Josh:** I’m not going to argue with that plan.  
 **Buck:** Good. I’ll text you when I know when I might get to go.  
 **Josh:** Okay. Be careful. Don’t tell me you’re always careful or I’m going to rephrase that to say don’t do anything that would give me a heart attack.  
 **Buck:** Noted. I will just say that I’ll be careful?  
 **Josh:** Good.

*

**Josh:** Text me when you can. Whatever you need. Don’t worry about me.

*

**Buck:** Hey. I just talked to Maddie. She said you were in some meeting and that’s why you missed my call. Athena’s going to be okay. I’m going back to the station and then can I just come over to your house?  
 **Josh:** Of course. I’m on the way home now.

***

Buck’s bigger than him but he feels smaller when he curls up in Josh’s arms and presses his face into Josh’s neck.

“I was so scared,” Buck whispers into his skin.

“I know. She’s going to be okay.”

Buck nuzzles into his neck and just stays there breathing while Josh holds him. It was horrible enough to listen to Athena from dispatch and Josh doesn’t know her well. For Buck, it had to be a million times worse.

“I’m sorry I missed your call,” Josh says after a while.

“It’s okay. I got Maddie. She said she’d let you know Athena was going to be okay.”

It’s another minute before Buck pulls back from the hug.

“Have you eaten?” Josh asks.

“Yeah. We ate at the hospital. I just want to sleep.”

Buck usually has so much energy and joy that it’s unsettling to see him completely devoid of it. He lets Josh help undress him without a single innuendo. When Josh spoons around him, he threads their fingers together and pulls Josh as close as possible with their hands held against his chest. Josh presses kisses to his shoulder and the back of his neck, but Buck doesn’t relax. By the time he lets out a sob, it’s almost a relief to feel him release some of the tension. Buck turns in his arms and sobs into his chest.

Josh doesn’t know why the last few weeks are so determined to break them. He’s been a dispatcher for years. They’ve both seen and heard things that give them nightmares. They _all_ need so much therapy. But the last couple months have been especially cruel to both of them. The only thing that makes it better than the last time is that this time they’re crying in bed together. By the time they can both breathe normally again, Josh’s t-shirt is soaked, and both of their faces are a mess.

“We all need a fucking break,” Buck says in a raw voice when he pulls his head off Josh’s chest. He uses his thumbs to wipe of Josh’s face, but it’s not really enough. Eventually Josh rolls over to get tissues for both of them.

“Thanks,” Buck says after tossing away his tissues.

“It was mutual.” Josh tosses away his t-shirt. Usually he likes to have an old t-shirt to sleep in, but the one he started with is soaking and he’s too tired to get up to get another. Buck lays his head on Josh’s chest and tosses his arm around Josh’s waist without making any sexual comments about it.

“I’m glad I’m with you.” When Buck leans up for kiss, his eyes are red and puffy, but it’s still everything Josh wants.

“Me too.”

***

When Josh jolts awake in the middle of the night, Buck wakes up because he’s still half onto of Josh’s chest.

“Babe? You okay?” Buck lifts up a little to look at him, but he’s still so obviously exhausted. His shifts are so much longer than Josh’s, and Josh doesn’t know how he makes it work when those shifts go even longer.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”

“Nightmare?”

“Yeah. It’s fine,” Josh says again, but instead of just lying back down, Buck moves off of him and holds out his arms.

“Come here.”

Buck’s arms are strong and safe. It makes Josh feel like Greg will never be able to get to him with Buck around to protect him. He shudders and hides his face in Buck’s chest. It’s stupid. He hates that he can’t even just sleep without Greg messing it up. Greg’s in jail and Josh has the sweetest boyfriend who could definitely protect him from Greg if it was actually an issue.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re safe.” Buck kisses his temple and rubs down his back. Josh hates that he was too insecure to just pursue Buck after poker night and went on that stupid app instead. No matter how many times everyone says it’s not his fault and Greg had information to purposely seem appealing to him, he still feels like he could have avoided it and been more careful.

“Thanks,” Josh mumbles when his heart starts to calm down and breathing feels easier.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Buck asks even though he’s clearly struggling to stay awake.

“Not now. I just want to sleep.”

“Okay. Wake me up if you need to. I’m off work tomorrow anyway, okay?”

Josh nods even though he knows he won’t do it on purpose. Buck falls back asleep first, but his arms keep holding Josh close and that’s all he needs to feel safe enough to sleep anyway.

***

They’re both groggy the next morning. Josh doesn’t want to get out of bed. He just wants to lie in Buck’s arms until he has to go to work.

“I’ll get us coffee,” Buck says and rolls out of bed. It’s not actually a lot of work because Josh always preps the coffee before going back to sleep, but it’s still sweet to have Buck bring him coffee and climb back into bed with him.

“Not that I mind because I would’ve asked to come over after everything that happened last night anyway, but is there a reason you wanted to see me?”

When Josh doesn’t answer right away, Buck adds, “You know there’s not really a wrong answer here. If you just wanted to see me, I’m into that. If you needed to talk to me about something, I’m here for it.”

“They want me to give my victim statement in court. I don’t _have_ to. He’s pleading guilty anyway.”

“Do you want to?” Buck asks. He switches his coffee to his left hand so he can rest his right hand on Josh’s thigh.

“I don’t know. I think maybe it’ll help me to face him. But it might just make everything worse to see him again.” Josh it’s sure everyone who says it’ll help isn’t full of it.

“I can be there if you want. If you think it’ll help. Bobby will give me the time off.” 

“Yeah. It would help.”

Buck puts his coffee on the side table and holds open his arms. Josh scoots over so that Buck can wrap him up. Maddie was right. Everything feels less scary with Buck’s arms around him.

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie, I just straight-up forgot to post this. I'm sorry. I wrote like a crazy person for four solid months and then I just burned out. I'm not at all inspired to write anything at all with Eddie in it and I feel like it would be hard to not write anything with Eddie into the next episode. So I may just drop this series since I haven't been inspired and it hasn't been very popular.


End file.
